One of my favorite John Lennon songs...and it rings so true on this last day of 2012. What an amazing year...so many things to be thankful for and how blessed are we in my little family.
Our babies are healthy and happy, Henry and I are celebrating our 12th year of marriage. We finally have booked another trip down to Mexico to see all of our extended family this spring after five years. Most of the family have never met Cruz and haven't seen Victoria since she was 18 months old. We have reconnected with friends past and made new friends this year. Fostered new, budding friendships and watched our children blossom into little people, developing their own thoughts and opinions and nurtured their loving ways.
We made big goals at the beginning of this year and I am happy and proud to say that we met them. We were able to continue on the path that we began at the end of 2010. For 2013, my focus is family. My husband's is preparation. So our motto this year is PREPARE.
We have so many exciting things on our horizon...so much potential and things we would love to have happen...like expanding our family, buying a house...and other plans we are putting into action...like starting the savings for the new truck that will bring so much to our family, getting completely out of debt, paying off all of my student loans and continuing our journey of health and wellness with the whole family. I am looking forward to Cruzie boy starting "raceball" (baseball) and Victoria starting her second season with Tustin Girls Softball.
Cheers to a fantastic year!
~JML
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Still going strong :) 262...
Hi!!
It has been a couple weeks since I posted last...computer problems, open house, packing up my classroom and life have taken a front seat to this little blog. Hubby was in town for a long time and it was such a treat! He is off again trekking across the big 'ol United States. I still have been weighing myself each week...just couldn't find the time to make it accountable here.
I am happy to report that I am still dropping weight and I am down to 262 and still seeing movement in the positive direction! I am continuing to make great choices even when faced with my usual disatrous fair but the most important thing that I will keep repeating because it is important is that I am not denying myself anything. If I want chips, salsa and guacamole...I eat it....I just don't eat the whole bag and bowl along with it. I will say that I haven't had too many of those moments. I still try a "low-carb" option first or I go outside, work in the garden, read a book, pin on pinterest, call Henry, play with the kids and if I still have the hankering I go for it. But the difference is control and not over indulgence.
What I know for sure is that this works for me. More than the number on the scale, I have noticed how I don't ache as much first thing in the morning, I walk faster, I have energy now that used to take a vat of Diet Coke to achieve.
With that said...I am looking forward to a busy summer full of community based activities that are easy on the pocketbook. I am looking forward to another summer of job interviews that I will rock and a new district to make my home. I found out from my principal that I will not be returning to Wood Canyon or Capistrano Unified next year. They have already replaced me with another teacher via bumping rights. The budget in Capo is not looking so good so a rehire at another school doesn't seem so likely. At Open House three of my four families cried when I told them the news and one of them was an outgoing 5th grader. That warms my heart more than anyone can know because I do this for my students and for their parents. I teach and treat each and every child the way that they should be treated and help the parents realize that their child is worth something more than just the behaviors or the disability that the rest of the world sees.
I will leave you with this...a professor of mine during college read this to the class. It pretty much sums up my approach to teaching. Have a beautiful week!
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
<3, Jen
It has been a couple weeks since I posted last...computer problems, open house, packing up my classroom and life have taken a front seat to this little blog. Hubby was in town for a long time and it was such a treat! He is off again trekking across the big 'ol United States. I still have been weighing myself each week...just couldn't find the time to make it accountable here.
I am happy to report that I am still dropping weight and I am down to 262 and still seeing movement in the positive direction! I am continuing to make great choices even when faced with my usual disatrous fair but the most important thing that I will keep repeating because it is important is that I am not denying myself anything. If I want chips, salsa and guacamole...I eat it....I just don't eat the whole bag and bowl along with it. I will say that I haven't had too many of those moments. I still try a "low-carb" option first or I go outside, work in the garden, read a book, pin on pinterest, call Henry, play with the kids and if I still have the hankering I go for it. But the difference is control and not over indulgence.
What I know for sure is that this works for me. More than the number on the scale, I have noticed how I don't ache as much first thing in the morning, I walk faster, I have energy now that used to take a vat of Diet Coke to achieve.
With that said...I am looking forward to a busy summer full of community based activities that are easy on the pocketbook. I am looking forward to another summer of job interviews that I will rock and a new district to make my home. I found out from my principal that I will not be returning to Wood Canyon or Capistrano Unified next year. They have already replaced me with another teacher via bumping rights. The budget in Capo is not looking so good so a rehire at another school doesn't seem so likely. At Open House three of my four families cried when I told them the news and one of them was an outgoing 5th grader. That warms my heart more than anyone can know because I do this for my students and for their parents. I teach and treat each and every child the way that they should be treated and help the parents realize that their child is worth something more than just the behaviors or the disability that the rest of the world sees.
I will leave you with this...a professor of mine during college read this to the class. It pretty much sums up my approach to teaching. Have a beautiful week!
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
<3, Jen
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
30 pounds gone in 7 weeks!
From 298 to 268.
From feeling hopeless, fat, frustrated, alone, listless, stuck...
to feeling hopeful, excited, motivated, surrounded by love and support.
I have all of you to thank for that. Friends that I only talk to on facebook, friends I talk to on the phone and who motivate me from afar and friends that I see frequently who have buoyed me with support and encouragement!
The sheer fact that I posted my original post on facebook and that I weigh-in each week to my little blog, keeps me motivated during the week. I like the fact that I am accountable to myself.
This week has had its challenges. But I am realizing that every challenge can be overcome and it doesn't take food and overeating to meet those challenges head-on. I think I yell a little bit more now. Just ask my husband and kids. But I am sure that they will take a mama that raises her voice over one who is six feet under because she ate her way through her stress....right? Or maybe I should start saving all the money that I am not spending on fast-food for their future therapy bills ;) But in all seriousness...I have so much more energy and more importantly than that....I have desire. Desire to do more, go outside, garden, play with them, dance, engage and just be. I am not drowning myself in hamburgers, taquitos, fries, fast-food, heavy casseroles, mexican food...you name it. I am not disconnecting in front of the TV or facebook. I am making time for the things that need it, letting go of the things that don't and placing myself in the forefront instead of just in the background.
That is probably the hardest thing to do as a mother. To verbalize that I am just as important as my children, my husband, my career, my family and to make time to show how important I am. By placing my health in the forefront and not the background I am showing my daughter how to be a strong, independent, forward thinker and I feel that I am showing her how to value herself and to never dull her light at the expense of others.
Hope you all have a great week!
<3, J
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Wednesday Weigh-In 5/16/2012
Mothers day was beautiful. We celebrated with my family...three generations of gorgeous women...
This week has been full of ups and downs. Work is stressful but Hubby is home...haven't had time to work out but I haven't been sitting in front of the tv either. I continue to marvel at the resilience of my children. Victoria is continuing to listen to her body and realize when she is satisfied. Softball season has ended and she genuinely misses going each week. So we signed her up for AYSO summer and fall soccer.
Looking forward to the weekend and more complete family time before hubby is off and running again for summer. See you next week!
<3, J
I am so blessed to have these little loves in my life....
and we ended the day down in Newport Beach...it was a beautiful, relaxing day with our family...
It is most likely the first holiday that I have celebrated where I didn't go overboard. I enjoyed myself and really savored the moments, the feelings and the people that I was with.
It was a great day!
Weighed in this morning at 271 pounds. 27 pounds gone! Feels good to almost be in the 260's again. I haven't been there for almost four years. More and more friends and family are joining me on this weight-loss journey and it feels good to know that I am not alone. It also feels so good to know that while navigating through holidays and stressful times at work...I have not turned to food and resorted to my old habits. This is such a change for me!
This week has been full of ups and downs. Work is stressful but Hubby is home...haven't had time to work out but I haven't been sitting in front of the tv either. I continue to marvel at the resilience of my children. Victoria is continuing to listen to her body and realize when she is satisfied. Softball season has ended and she genuinely misses going each week. So we signed her up for AYSO summer and fall soccer.
Looking forward to the weekend and more complete family time before hubby is off and running again for summer. See you next week!
<3, J
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Wednesday Weigh-In, 5/9/12
There it is...275. 23 pounds gone...2 more this week.
I have not gone to the gym in over 2 weeks :( We all miss it. Too much sickness and the end of softball season. I am getting back in the saddle though.
I also want to do this. Who wants to do it with me? I am big fans of Dallas and Melissa. They are no-nonsense kind of people, sarcastic, witty and super knowledgeable. I am thinking of starting it July 1st. I have been reading their website and facebook page for sometime now and I really need to just do it. Just like I just did this and made the change...this would force me to give up Diet Coke. I am a fiend for Diet Coke. Its all I drink...and its sooooo bad. I just don't stop. So that has to change too.
Hope you all are having a fabulous week! I am counting down until we are out of school!
Lots of job interviews and new prospects on the horizon!
<3, J
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Office with a View....
He's heading west folks! Can't wait to have him with us this weekend!
Burlington, Colorado
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Wednesday Weigh-In, 5/2/12
277. 21 pounds in one month gone! I am so excited about this and I am proud of myself. I have not been able to get to the gym like I was during Spring Break with the littles getting strep throat AGAIN!!! 4th time in 3 months! But I have continued to make good food choices....and when I am having cravings...
I do it up low-carb style.
Like this pizza.
Which turned out kind of like a pizza quiche. Yikes. But it was still good and it got the craving out of the way. I found the recipe on pinterest...you can find it here :) http://accidentalmommies.com/delicious-no-carb-pizza-recipe/. I think next time I will put the crust in some stoneware and spread it out more. I used a quiche pan....oooops! Hence the reason it tasted like a "pizza quiche". ;) The other sneaky little craving I have been having is mac 'n'cheese...which I low-carbify by buying this delicious pasta. It cooks up just like regular pasta...but doesn't leave me all itchy and wanting more in a half hour! Now don't worry...this is not an everyday occurrence. It is a once in a while "treat" that gets me over a craving and then I slip right back into my normal way of eating. Clean, non-processed, lean protein, green leafies. So its working and I am going to keep on truckin' down this healthy path with my little sweeties hot on my heels. :)
Have a fabulous week!
<3, Jen
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Office with a View-5/1/12
Big shout out to Wyoming! Gorgeous sunsets as Hubby moved east....
Absolutely amazing!
Sending <3 through sunsets as he heads east.
See you all tomorrow...it is the one month weigh-in!
<3, J
Friday, April 27, 2012
Save Me...
Here is my new book to get me through my cardio at the gym. I have to say that it isn't doing what Hunger Games did for me. I am not completely entranced like I was with book number one. I am thinking about re-reading books 2 and 3 since I plowed through them because I couldn't get enough! But I will tell you that reading hard cover books at the gym is not as easy as a paperback!
Save Me is interesting enough, short chapters, an interesting story line and for all the mom's out there...it is definitely relate-able. The question in the beginning of this book is if you were in a crisis situation would you save the children around you first or your child that you knew was in the other room. As a mother and a teacher I feel like I would save whoever was around me, hoping and praying that my daughter was afforded the same consideration wherever she may be. But it raised another question that I think is thought-provoking...if you were taking two children home, yours and a friends and both required booster seats, would you put your child in the booster seat or your friends child?
It definitely made me think about actions and decisions made in a second that while often turn out okay could have dire consequences for all involved. It all goes down to trusting instincts and that Mommy intuition that we all have!
Hope you have a fabulous weekend!
<3, J
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Thankful and Grateful...Same thing?
thank·ful
[thangk-fuhl]
adjective
feeling or expressing gratitude; appreciative.
grate·ful
[greyt-fuhl]
adjective
1.
warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful: I am grateful to you for your help.
2.
expressing or actuated by gratitude: a grateful letter.
3.
pleasing to the mind or senses; agreeable or welcome;refreshing: a grateful breeze.
I would say so.
This week has been a difficult one. Henry left on Saturday night. Heading East for who knows how long. Cruz got a fever on Sunday night after a fun birthday party and now Victoria is sick. But here is what I am grateful for today.
1. A job that allows me the opportunity to stay home with my children when they really need me.
2. A co-worker that takes on extra duties to make sure the class and students run smoothly and as a mother understands what I am going through.
3. My mom who was able to stay home from work for 2-days in order to take care of my little monkey boy.
4. Good Doctors that know what is going on with my kiddos, are always patient and receptive to my concerns and take me seriously even though I don't have an M.D. at the end of my name.
5. A husband who is my best friend. I miss him fiercely when he is gone. The phone just isn't the same when I just want to be snuggled up next to him on the couch or looking at him across the table while eating dinner.
6. My husbands job/career. It is the best out there in the trucking industry and even though it takes him away...we are truly blessed that he works for that great company.
7. My little Victoria. She isn't so little anymore in size, but she is still my little girl.
8. I am thankful that I comfort her. That even just by me being next to her she feels a little better.
9. Music. All kinds....pop to country I love it all.
10. Nice people. In this county where if you put on your turn signal the car behind you feels the need to speed up...it is so refreshing when a random stranger is nice and polite.
11. Facebook. It allows me to connect with my hubby when he is on the road through pictures and sweet words that keep us going through the week.
12. Pinterest. Cause a girls gotta dream. ;)
So that's my top 10 this week. I will continue to be thankful and grateful for all that I have and all that is given to me on a daily basis.
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
281 pounds....17 pounds gone!
So it has almost been a month...well 25 days to be exact. 17 pounds have gone, three more this week. But I must confess...last Friday I "cheated" a little bit. By cheating I will say that I still ate healthy, fresh, home made food. But I had some simple carbs. I didn't go overboard but I did have a potato and some tortillas and believe me I paid for it the next day. I never realized how eating like that made me so sick. Gassy, bloated, just painful. So I was right back to what I know is true for my body. Lots of veggies and lean protein.
The one area where I am focusing on right now is eating until I am satisfied...not stuffed to the gills, ready to explode, FULL!!! So I am stopping when I sense that and encouraging my little girl to do the same. It is working for both of us! She is starting to say "I think I am done" and she is not asking for extras after we are done with dinner. You see I have had this mindset ingrained in me since I was a little girl spending most of my meals with my depression-era grandparents. Waste not-want not. My little grandma would spend her day cleaning, cooking and watching soaps and when it came time to eat the dinner she just spent 2 hours making, she would serve us and then go outside and take some time for herself.
I was a normal 5 year old that didn't really like stewed tomatoes or onions or....the list could go on and on. Sitting with my Grandfather eating "supper" was like torture to me. He wouldn't let me get up until I cleaned my plate. Sometimes he would get down right offended that I wouldn't eat that stewed tomato. But I learned quickly to eat quietly and quickly and if there was something to awful to bear, my sweet Grandma would swoop in after Grandpa settled into his chair for the evening and she would feed my scraps to the dog, all the while telling me not to say anything to him. I would skip in to Grandpa's living room and when he would ask if I finished all my food, I would keep my promise to Grandma and tell him "Yes", where he would then nod his head approvingly.
Normally I didn't have a problem clearing my plate. My mom (and grandma) are fantastic cooks. Enchiladas, tacos, macaroni casserole are my favorites...to name just a few. I have had an affinity for Mexican food since I was born. But I never learned when or even how to stop. I would just eat until I was stuffed. We didn't want to waste it. ;)
But looking deeper into the meaning that food has held for me all of my life, I see that it was time that I got to spend with my mom and my grandma cooking. I always was my mom's little prep cook, frying tortillas, grating cheese, setting the table, making the Kool-aid, helping clean up after dinner. We celebrated with food and the process in making it. It was time for us to just hang out after a long day at school and all of the long hours she worked in order to provide for us. Cooking became a ritual of spending time with each other, a necessity that became much more in the process to me. I still love cooking with my mom on the holidays and random dinners that I invite myself to. It is still a source of comfort to me just to have her with me. Its not about the food....just the company.
So that has been my focus this week. I make smaller portions, serve myself smaller portions, eat slower, wait for longer periods in between serving myself more food and I always find that I don't want more. We play outside before dinner while the veggies are steaming and have a dance party after dinner instead of eating ice cream. What my little girl was craving clearly was more time with me. It is clear that she was doing what she saw...recommending food establishments because I was always eating out...but now is asking for dance parties and books before bed instead of food and TV. This shift is just what we have been looking for.
<3, J
The one area where I am focusing on right now is eating until I am satisfied...not stuffed to the gills, ready to explode, FULL!!! So I am stopping when I sense that and encouraging my little girl to do the same. It is working for both of us! She is starting to say "I think I am done" and she is not asking for extras after we are done with dinner. You see I have had this mindset ingrained in me since I was a little girl spending most of my meals with my depression-era grandparents. Waste not-want not. My little grandma would spend her day cleaning, cooking and watching soaps and when it came time to eat the dinner she just spent 2 hours making, she would serve us and then go outside and take some time for herself.
I was a normal 5 year old that didn't really like stewed tomatoes or onions or....the list could go on and on. Sitting with my Grandfather eating "supper" was like torture to me. He wouldn't let me get up until I cleaned my plate. Sometimes he would get down right offended that I wouldn't eat that stewed tomato. But I learned quickly to eat quietly and quickly and if there was something to awful to bear, my sweet Grandma would swoop in after Grandpa settled into his chair for the evening and she would feed my scraps to the dog, all the while telling me not to say anything to him. I would skip in to Grandpa's living room and when he would ask if I finished all my food, I would keep my promise to Grandma and tell him "Yes", where he would then nod his head approvingly.
Normally I didn't have a problem clearing my plate. My mom (and grandma) are fantastic cooks. Enchiladas, tacos, macaroni casserole are my favorites...to name just a few. I have had an affinity for Mexican food since I was born. But I never learned when or even how to stop. I would just eat until I was stuffed. We didn't want to waste it. ;)
But looking deeper into the meaning that food has held for me all of my life, I see that it was time that I got to spend with my mom and my grandma cooking. I always was my mom's little prep cook, frying tortillas, grating cheese, setting the table, making the Kool-aid, helping clean up after dinner. We celebrated with food and the process in making it. It was time for us to just hang out after a long day at school and all of the long hours she worked in order to provide for us. Cooking became a ritual of spending time with each other, a necessity that became much more in the process to me. I still love cooking with my mom on the holidays and random dinners that I invite myself to. It is still a source of comfort to me just to have her with me. Its not about the food....just the company.
So that has been my focus this week. I make smaller portions, serve myself smaller portions, eat slower, wait for longer periods in between serving myself more food and I always find that I don't want more. We play outside before dinner while the veggies are steaming and have a dance party after dinner instead of eating ice cream. What my little girl was craving clearly was more time with me. It is clear that she was doing what she saw...recommending food establishments because I was always eating out...but now is asking for dance parties and books before bed instead of food and TV. This shift is just what we have been looking for.
<3, J
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Our Coach's gift
So here is the cute gift idea we are giving the assistant and head coach for Victoria's softball season-2012. I think it came out fantastic!
Create your own personalized photo books at Shutterfly.com.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thankful its Thursday...
Thursdays....oh glorious Thursdays....my favorite day of the week. Thanksgiving is on a Thursday...which also happens to be my favorite holiday :)...I digress.
Time to reflect on the week that has almost passed and look forward to the weekend that is almost here. I was born on a Thursday....what's the saying...Thursday's child has far to go....well its true. I am loving this journey that I am on. I love that I am constantly learning, constantly being tested in my beliefs and what I think, constantly striving for something more. Not that I am restless...just a wanderer. Spontaneous. Ready to go at a moments notice.
It is these character traits that shock me at times that I went in to teaching. It can be so boring and mundane. Day in and day out...same subjects, same faces, same sameness. But being in Special Ed has its randomness and each day is something new. I am thankful for that. But I feel drawn to the classroom. Not all the political crap that I have to wade through on a daily basis....parents upset that there isn't enough homework, or some that there is too much...so many different personalities to deal with and of course heightened emotions when it comes to their children. But I love teaching. I feel it in every fiber of my being. The ability to be creative and show children a different way to learn, to open their eyes to a different place they have never been, to foster self-esteem and a love for learning that goes far beyond the classroom. That is what I do best. My passion is teaching but hand in hand with that it is the ability to be creative. When that is stifled in me...I am at a loss.
But these things I know for sure.
I know that I am an incredibly blessed person.
Blessed with this man....
and these kids....
and my closest, oldest, sister-friends I can count on one hand...
my family...
and my gorgeously grounded no-nonsense mother who always has been my steady...
I am blessed with an incredible knack for being able to call bull-s*&! when I see it, for being a caretaker and a fighter for the underdog and my intuition that is always spot-on. I know now that I am better than I thought I was. I have resolve that I thought I had lost somewhere along the road. But I found it again. I am getting back in sync with my own personal rhythms that soothe my soul and nourish myself and the people around me.
This week has been full of challenges that I met head on. I came into the week feeling like it was going to be great. It wasn't, but I made it great. I didn't let the crap drag me down.
I am learning to...
Goes hand in hand with feeling lighter and the weight I have been dropping. Kinda hard to drop that and still have the same old pissy attitude that I carry around sometimes. So today I am recognizing all that I am grateful for, which is so many things. I am blessed that my list is so long.
Looking forward to this wonderful weekend...I get two solid days with my hubbie before he is off on the road again for god knows how many weeks.
<3, J
Time to reflect on the week that has almost passed and look forward to the weekend that is almost here. I was born on a Thursday....what's the saying...Thursday's child has far to go....well its true. I am loving this journey that I am on. I love that I am constantly learning, constantly being tested in my beliefs and what I think, constantly striving for something more. Not that I am restless...just a wanderer. Spontaneous. Ready to go at a moments notice.
It is these character traits that shock me at times that I went in to teaching. It can be so boring and mundane. Day in and day out...same subjects, same faces, same sameness. But being in Special Ed has its randomness and each day is something new. I am thankful for that. But I feel drawn to the classroom. Not all the political crap that I have to wade through on a daily basis....parents upset that there isn't enough homework, or some that there is too much...so many different personalities to deal with and of course heightened emotions when it comes to their children. But I love teaching. I feel it in every fiber of my being. The ability to be creative and show children a different way to learn, to open their eyes to a different place they have never been, to foster self-esteem and a love for learning that goes far beyond the classroom. That is what I do best. My passion is teaching but hand in hand with that it is the ability to be creative. When that is stifled in me...I am at a loss.
But these things I know for sure.
I know that I am an incredibly blessed person.
Blessed with this man....
and these kids....
and my closest, oldest, sister-friends I can count on one hand...
my family...
and my gorgeously grounded no-nonsense mother who always has been my steady...
I am blessed with an incredible knack for being able to call bull-s*&! when I see it, for being a caretaker and a fighter for the underdog and my intuition that is always spot-on. I know now that I am better than I thought I was. I have resolve that I thought I had lost somewhere along the road. But I found it again. I am getting back in sync with my own personal rhythms that soothe my soul and nourish myself and the people around me.
This week has been full of challenges that I met head on. I came into the week feeling like it was going to be great. It wasn't, but I made it great. I didn't let the crap drag me down.
I am learning to...
Goes hand in hand with feeling lighter and the weight I have been dropping. Kinda hard to drop that and still have the same old pissy attitude that I carry around sometimes. So today I am recognizing all that I am grateful for, which is so many things. I am blessed that my list is so long.
Looking forward to this wonderful weekend...I get two solid days with my hubbie before he is off on the road again for god knows how many weeks.
<3, J
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
18 days...14 pounds :)
So it has been another great week. I am focused on how I feel...lighter, more energized, less aches and pains and less TV being watched :)
It has been good and continues to not really be a struggle. I am enjoying this mindshift more than I thought I would. We planted a garden, cooked fresh almost every night (with the exception of eating out a couple of times), food is savored and not choked down in the car as we are rushing from place to place.
It has been an adjustment for my little girl. But I see the changes in her too. She wants to be outside to play with her brother. Zucchini is now a favorite vegetable instead of just Broccoli and I have not been cooking rice with every meal and they haven't said a word. Its amazing how sweet everything is that shouldn't be. We went to pick up stix because I wanted Chinese food....bought their house chicken and steamed vegetables and I could barely eat the chicken because of how sugary it was! It was like eating cake with that super sugary gross frosting. ;)
But mostly what I am taking away from this last week of my current mindset is that I feel so good. I feel better in my clothes which are falling off. I also discovered a little trick for me that makes me want to go to the gym.....ready for it....The Hunger Games. Now I know that I am WAY behind the curve on this one. I didn't even think that I wanted to be on the curve, but I started to read this book for a student of mine that I am trying to motivate to read. I made a deal with him that if he read the book and passed the comprehension quizes that I would be making for him that I would take him to see the movie. Well I started reading it while on the elliptical machine one day and next thing I knew I had been on that machine for 60 minutes! I made that book my "gym book" where I would only read it while at the gym and I could not wait to go to the gym everyday. I am now on to the second book of the series...but can't help to think....what am I going to read after I am done with that series??? Suggestions???
Make it a great week!
<3, Jen
It has been good and continues to not really be a struggle. I am enjoying this mindshift more than I thought I would. We planted a garden, cooked fresh almost every night (with the exception of eating out a couple of times), food is savored and not choked down in the car as we are rushing from place to place.
It has been an adjustment for my little girl. But I see the changes in her too. She wants to be outside to play with her brother. Zucchini is now a favorite vegetable instead of just Broccoli and I have not been cooking rice with every meal and they haven't said a word. Its amazing how sweet everything is that shouldn't be. We went to pick up stix because I wanted Chinese food....bought their house chicken and steamed vegetables and I could barely eat the chicken because of how sugary it was! It was like eating cake with that super sugary gross frosting. ;)
But mostly what I am taking away from this last week of my current mindset is that I feel so good. I feel better in my clothes which are falling off. I also discovered a little trick for me that makes me want to go to the gym.....ready for it....The Hunger Games. Now I know that I am WAY behind the curve on this one. I didn't even think that I wanted to be on the curve, but I started to read this book for a student of mine that I am trying to motivate to read. I made a deal with him that if he read the book and passed the comprehension quizes that I would be making for him that I would take him to see the movie. Well I started reading it while on the elliptical machine one day and next thing I knew I had been on that machine for 60 minutes! I made that book my "gym book" where I would only read it while at the gym and I could not wait to go to the gym everyday. I am now on to the second book of the series...but can't help to think....what am I going to read after I am done with that series??? Suggestions???
Make it a great week!
<3, Jen
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Motivation...
287 pounds. 11 pounds gone for good. So it has been a week and a half since I made my committment to a better me, a better life and a better family and here are the things that have been working for me. I started playing little mind games with myself and thought...oh I will start this when I start Spring Break...it is going to be too hard to do it during my last week at school...and then I thought...HELLOOOO!!!! You are doing it again! So I committed to eating better and doing what I know works for me and that is cutting out all simple carbs. I brought my George Foreman grill to work and started grilling a chicken breast every day for lunch along with a bag of fresh broccolli that I steamed in the microwave. My major bugaboo is always breakfast...and since I am out the door before 6:30 most mornings...my go to spot is always Jack-in-the-Box, where I order total and complete badness at 6:50 every morning. Well I went there anyway and asked for a side of eggs and a side of sausage...along with my diet coke of course....and my food was only $1.60. Can you believe that?? So that is what I am sticking with. Of course I am changing it up so that I don't get bored...but right now when I am in a hurry I know what my back up plan is.
That is what is the most important part of all of this...planning. So I am losing weight and holding on to more cash. :) Which is never a bad thing ;). This week has been easier...I am hitting my stride with this and falling into my old routine that is all things good. Lots of fresh food, nothing from a package and I am feeling fantastic. The bloat is gone. I am going to the gym and enjoying it. I am also reading the Hunger Games, which makes an hour on the elliptical feel like 20 minutes. I navigated the candy filled Easter weekend with ease. I am lucky that I am not typically a candy girl. I think peeps are disgusting...and give me a cadbury egg and I am heading for the hills. But peanut butter eggs....now you got me. But I was able to focus on the goal at hand...go out with two different families and navigate their buffets with ease. The old Jenna would have said "it's the holidays...just indulge," but this Jenna was able to keep a logical head.
My co-worker, who is a tri-athlete and wakes up at the crack of dawn each morning to run 6 miles before work, asked me one day if all the fast food that I eat makes me bloated and gassy...I told her no. I was quite sure that was the case, but I see now how it was just another lie I was telling myself about the food I was eating. Being off the "junk" for a week and a half now has proven that to me.
See you at the next weigh-in ;)
~Jen
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Sporty Weekends
Its a gloomy kind of day over here in usually sunny Southern California and while our normal routine on Saturday is to be up and at'em getting ready for softball...we are on a bye this weekend. Lazy Saturday ensues. I am debating on what to enroll Victoria in next. She loves to swim that I am thinking maybe a swim team?? Or soccer?? We shall see what I finally decide on. On a more exciting note my hubby is in the same state as us and is coming home in a week! YAY! It has been a L-O-N-G four weeks and I am ready for him to be home with us.
Happy Weekend!
<3, J
Friday, March 30, 2012
Here it is...
The scary truth.
298 freakin' pounds.
and so it begins today. This is the highest I have ever been minus being preggers where I tipped the scales at 313 pounds and thought that when I gave birth I would lose 80 pounds. Well....that didn't happen. 26 pounds left that day and that was five and half years ago.
So I am making this declaration to myself. I am going to make changes. I am going to do what I know how to do....and that is make the right decisions for myself and for my family. I hate what I have done to myself...however I don't know what thin feels like. I know that I have always considered myself fat, heavy, thick, chunky...whatever I decided to call it to make myself feel better in the moment. Well now it is time to call a spade a spade and admit to myself in my little corner of the internet....that I am an excuse maker. I am everything to everybody...but nothing to myself. I am a special education teacher, a mother, a photographer, a crafter, a volunteer, a jane of all trades and I work my ass off. But for everyone else.
I watch Biggest Loser every season...but I don't ever get off the couch and do anything about it. I have had a gym membership since 2007 and I never go. I am always too tired or I have made a committment to someone else which once again puts me on the back burner. I am a willing participant to take the back seat to others. But something has changed in the way I think lately and it is my daughter. She is almost 6 and has my body. She is a big girl...and I don't mean fat....I mean tall. She is big for her age. I have 5th grade students in my class who are the same height as her. We have a wonderful pediatrician who is realistic about her...doesn't just look at her weight and say....she is obese. He has always maintained that if her percentages in height and weight are equal...that she is just a big girl. She has always been over 98th percentile in her height and weight since she was born. But now I am seeing her watch me and copy the things I do. She is not as active as I would like her to be. She eats fast food like me as we are always racing from one place to the next. She would rather sit and watch tv or craft with me. She doesn't know how to be active...because she has me as a mother.
So it has to change. If not for me....then for her. I am doing this for myself...but in the moments of thinking I am over it....I am going to look to my little girl who is sweet, kind, gentle, caring, creative, funny, dramatic...knowing that she got those traits from me and I am going to add to the list....daring, adventurous, active, athletic, energetic, and able. Able to look at anything and run not walk towards it and realize that I am also doing this for her. So I can be a Mommy that she wants to look up to and not one that she is ashamed of. I have realized that I was just like her once..."big" for my age. But everyone told me I was fat. Everyone told me that I "had such a pretty face" and that I could model if I just lost the weight. But noone told me how and instead I grew up in a house where with every celebration...came food, with every disappointment...came food, with every stress...came food. I do the same thing with my family. But it is changing now. I don't want my kids to know the name of every restaurant in a 10 mile radius, but not know the taste of their own mother's cooking in the comfort of their own home. I don't want my kids to continue to ask for chicken nuggets every time we pass a fast food place. It is over today.
So my excuses have kept me down. Life happened, school started, my husband went on the road, money issues talked me into saying I couldn't afford to eat healthy....but yet I could afford to eat fast food everyday. I will say this...I know that it is going to be a challenge to me. I am going to have to plan ahead for myself and not just for everyone else. I am going to schedule in time for myself. I am going to have to stop playing games on facebook, pinning on pinterest, checking emails, texting, watching biggest loser on tv. I am going to have to stop making excuses and look at myself long and hard in the mirror every day and know that I made this committment and it is time.
Time to be the woman I know I can be. Fully and completely. Not just the amazing teacher or mom or friend to everyone else. The amazing Jenna Marie that has been hiding in a fat suit for the better part of my entire life.
Remember that I am not normally like this....but these are the thoughts that have been racing through my head every night as I lay down to go to sleep, keeping me awake at night and scaring the bejesus out of me. But today I woke up with the resolve. I woke up with the I have had enough feeling that I have been waiting for. I have to be brutally honest with myself and instead of writing it in my normal journal I am putting it here.
This has to change. Here it goes.
<3, J
and so it begins today. This is the highest I have ever been minus being preggers where I tipped the scales at 313 pounds and thought that when I gave birth I would lose 80 pounds. Well....that didn't happen. 26 pounds left that day and that was five and half years ago.
So I am making this declaration to myself. I am going to make changes. I am going to do what I know how to do....and that is make the right decisions for myself and for my family. I hate what I have done to myself...however I don't know what thin feels like. I know that I have always considered myself fat, heavy, thick, chunky...whatever I decided to call it to make myself feel better in the moment. Well now it is time to call a spade a spade and admit to myself in my little corner of the internet....that I am an excuse maker. I am everything to everybody...but nothing to myself. I am a special education teacher, a mother, a photographer, a crafter, a volunteer, a jane of all trades and I work my ass off. But for everyone else.
I watch Biggest Loser every season...but I don't ever get off the couch and do anything about it. I have had a gym membership since 2007 and I never go. I am always too tired or I have made a committment to someone else which once again puts me on the back burner. I am a willing participant to take the back seat to others. But something has changed in the way I think lately and it is my daughter. She is almost 6 and has my body. She is a big girl...and I don't mean fat....I mean tall. She is big for her age. I have 5th grade students in my class who are the same height as her. We have a wonderful pediatrician who is realistic about her...doesn't just look at her weight and say....she is obese. He has always maintained that if her percentages in height and weight are equal...that she is just a big girl. She has always been over 98th percentile in her height and weight since she was born. But now I am seeing her watch me and copy the things I do. She is not as active as I would like her to be. She eats fast food like me as we are always racing from one place to the next. She would rather sit and watch tv or craft with me. She doesn't know how to be active...because she has me as a mother.
So it has to change. If not for me....then for her. I am doing this for myself...but in the moments of thinking I am over it....I am going to look to my little girl who is sweet, kind, gentle, caring, creative, funny, dramatic...knowing that she got those traits from me and I am going to add to the list....daring, adventurous, active, athletic, energetic, and able. Able to look at anything and run not walk towards it and realize that I am also doing this for her. So I can be a Mommy that she wants to look up to and not one that she is ashamed of. I have realized that I was just like her once..."big" for my age. But everyone told me I was fat. Everyone told me that I "had such a pretty face" and that I could model if I just lost the weight. But noone told me how and instead I grew up in a house where with every celebration...came food, with every disappointment...came food, with every stress...came food. I do the same thing with my family. But it is changing now. I don't want my kids to know the name of every restaurant in a 10 mile radius, but not know the taste of their own mother's cooking in the comfort of their own home. I don't want my kids to continue to ask for chicken nuggets every time we pass a fast food place. It is over today.
So my excuses have kept me down. Life happened, school started, my husband went on the road, money issues talked me into saying I couldn't afford to eat healthy....but yet I could afford to eat fast food everyday. I will say this...I know that it is going to be a challenge to me. I am going to have to plan ahead for myself and not just for everyone else. I am going to schedule in time for myself. I am going to have to stop playing games on facebook, pinning on pinterest, checking emails, texting, watching biggest loser on tv. I am going to have to stop making excuses and look at myself long and hard in the mirror every day and know that I made this committment and it is time.
Time to be the woman I know I can be. Fully and completely. Not just the amazing teacher or mom or friend to everyone else. The amazing Jenna Marie that has been hiding in a fat suit for the better part of my entire life.
Remember that I am not normally like this....but these are the thoughts that have been racing through my head every night as I lay down to go to sleep, keeping me awake at night and scaring the bejesus out of me. But today I woke up with the resolve. I woke up with the I have had enough feeling that I have been waiting for. I have to be brutally honest with myself and instead of writing it in my normal journal I am putting it here.
This has to change. Here it goes.
<3, J
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